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            [TED] 【公開課】別為了后悔而后悔

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            發表于 2019-10-3 01:17:59 | 只看該作者 回帖獎勵 |倒序瀏覽 |閱讀模式
            我們一生中可能做過一些傻事,一些讓我們悔之不已的事情。我們都會說,如果再能有一次重新來過的機會,故事的結局肯定會有所不同。是這樣嗎?你人生中有哪些事到如今還放不下的悔恨呢?本期的演講者凱瑟琳·舒爾茨(Kathryn Schulz)就用她的“紋身經歷”舉例,告訴我們怎樣接受后悔。



            I made a lot of mistakes and dumb decisions, of course. I do that hourly. But I had always felt like, look, you know, I made the best choice I could make given who I was then, given the information I had on hand. I learned a lesson from it. It somehow got me to where I am in life right now. And okay, I wouldn't change it. In other words, I had drunk our great cultural Kool-Aid about regret, which is that lamenting things that occurred in the past is an absolute waste of time, that we should always look forward and not backward, and that one of the noblest and best things we can do is strive to live a life free of regrets.

            我做過很多錯事和傻事,這是當然的,而且從來沒間斷過。但我覺得,我在當時的狀況下基于手頭具有的信息,作出了最好的選擇。我學到了一些這就是我成為現在的我的原因,我不會改變的,也就是說我深知我們對后悔的文化,也就是為過去的事情悲傷,簡直就是在浪費時間。我們應該常常向前看而不是向后看,我們最好應該做的事就是爭取活在沒有后悔的世界了。

            This idea is nicely captured by this quote: "Things without all remedy should be without regard; what's done is done."

            有句話很好地表達了這個觀點:“放開無法挽回的事情,潑出去水收不回來。”

            But if you want to be fully functional and fully human and fully humane, I think you need to learn to live, not without regret, but with it.

            但是如果你想正常功能,做正常人,有人性,那就得學著不要一悔再悔。

            So let's start off by defining some terms. What is regret? Regret is the emotion we experience when we think that our present situation could be better or happier if we had done something different in the past. So in other words, regret requires two things. It requires, first of all, agency -- we had to make a decision in the first place. And second of all, it requires imagination. We need to be able to imagine going back and making a different choice, and then we need to be able to kind of spool this imaginary record forward and imagine how things would be playing out in our present. And in fact, the more we have of either of these things -- the more agency and the more imagination with respect to a given regret, the more acute that regret will be.

            首先讓我們定義一下幾個詞語,什么是后悔?后悔是我們覺得如果過去做法不同當下的狀況就會更好更幸福時的情緒表達,也就是后悔包含兩點:首先是對象——我們曾經作出個決定;第二是想像,我們要想像如果能回到過去,作出不同的選擇,那么我們就能據此想像未來,眼下的事情會如何發展。這兩樣我們有的越多——在一個遺憾上有更多的對象和想像,這種后悔就越強烈。

            So top six regrets -- the things we regret most in life: Number one by far, education.

            六大遺憾——我們人生里的第一大遺憾:教育。

            The second characteristic component of regret is a sense of bewilderment.

            我們人生里的第二大遺憾:困惑感。

            This real sense of alienation from the part of us that made a decision we regret. We can't identify with that part. We don't understand that part. And we certainly don't have any empathy for that part -- which explains the third consistent component of regret, which is an intense desire to punish ourselves.

            這是嘗試把做出后悔決定的那部分自己跟自身孤立起來。我們無法認同那部分自己無,法理解那部分而我們絕對不喜歡那部分自己——這就帶來了后悔第三波,一種強烈的自我懲罰的愿望。

            So it's not that I sat there in my bedroom that night, thinking, "Make it go away." It's that I sat there and I thought, "Make it go away. Make it go away. Make it go away. Make it go away." So if you look at the psychological literature, these are the four consistent defining components of regret.

            那天晚上我就坐在臥室里想“我不要這樣!” 我就這么坐著一直想“不要這樣,不要這樣,不要這樣,不要這樣。” 如果你查看心理學文獻,這些就是悔恨的四個階段。

            But I want to suggest that there's also a fifth one. And I think of this as a kind of existential wake-up call.

            但我想說還有第五階段,我想這是一種自我覺醒。

            In point of fact, no insurance covers acts of idiocy. The whole point of acts of idiocy is that they leave you totally uninsured; they leave you exposed to the world and exposed to your own vulnerability and fallibility in face of, frankly, a fairly indifferent universe.

            沒有什么保險保自己干的蠢事,愚蠢的結果就是自己完全無保障,你完全袒露在這個世界面前。袒露在你自身的脆弱和不可譜面前。事實上,這是個相對無情的世界。

            So how are we supposed to live with this? I want to suggest that there's three things that help us to make our peace with regret.

            那我們怎么才能面對悔恨?我想提三點建議來讓我們平和地面對后悔。第一就是意識到它的普遍性。

            The second way that we can help make our peace with regret is to laugh at ourselves.

            第二點去平和地處理后悔就是學會自嘲。

            The third way that I think we can help make our peace with regret is through the passage of time, which, as we know, heals all wounds.

            第三點我想就是通過時間的流逝來慢慢平和地面對遺憾,治愈我們所有的傷口。

            Here's the thing, if we have goals and dreams, and we want to do our best, and if we love people and we don't want to hurt them or lose them, we should feel pain when things go wrong. The point isn't to live without any regrets. The point is to not hate ourselves for having them.

            總之就是如果我們有目標和夢想,我們想盡最大的努力或者如果我們愛一些人,不希望傷害到他們或失去他們,當這些出現問題的時候我們理應感到痛苦,問題的關鍵不是生而無悔而是不要因后悔而厭恨自己。

            The lesson that I ultimately learned from my tattoo and that I want to leave you with today is this: We need to learn to love the flawed, imperfect things that we create and to forgive ourselves for creating them. Regret doesn't remind us that we did badly. It reminds us that we know we can do better.

            我從紋身上學到的東西,我想今天跟你們分享的就是:我們應該學會去愛,我們制造出來的、不完美有缺陷的東西并原諒自己導致了這樣的結果,遺憾并不是要提醒我們所做的糟糕行為,而是提醒我們可以做得更好。



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